I am Nnenna, a Lagos housewife and I have a very special issue that needs to be dealt with urgently, it is about to ruin my marriage of over 5 years.
I and my husband had a very beautiful life together, but that was until two years into our marriage, just after we had our first and only child. Tommy as I fondly call him had lost his job then and would not have me work, he said it was his duty to provide for his family and believed that our child would need all my attention.
I used to be marketer at one of the leading banks, while he worked with an oil firm but was retrenched due to certain unclear circumstances.
The quest for a job took a toll on my husband because we had debts to offset, so many bills left unpaid.
During that period, Tommy will go out very early only to come back very late at night. The time spent however, did not reflect on our economic status.
We were not begging but we could tell that the family was digging too deep into its reserves. After about a year and no serious job forthcoming, Tommy decided he would go into a business of his own.
He started a business with the little we had saved over the years, he gave it his all, time, body and soul. Tommy could be very determined and that was the spirit he put into the business, however, it was our home that suffered the brunt.
Gradually I began to feel the detachment from him, he was more connected with making the business boom, there was little or no time for me and my little boy. Our sex life was almost dead and when we did have anything intimate it was shabby at best. He gave numerous excuses of why his performance had drastically come to an all time low, from business thoughts to the Lagos stress that is always tied to the ever present gridlocks for no just cause.
I cried severally because I was starved not just of both love and sex, perhaps you might think I am vain but please don’t judge me till you have walked a mile in my shoes. Tommy could not hold his own for even five minutes, no sooner than he gets in and the milk is spilled. He said he had tried several things but they just don’t work. For months and then over a year, things continued the same way. After a while, I gave up totally, resigning to fate.
Good thing is, the business started to grown miraculously, but the more it grew, the distant my husband became from me. There was no day without a meeting, the weekends were spent virtually at his business place, only on rare occasions did I and my son go visiting there. I was idle, and perhaps that was the avenue for certain things to happen, things I am not so proud to mention. The most crazy of all that I began to indulge in, is basically living on social media. While I bore my heart in subtle Tweets and Facebook posts, I wore a hypocritical look on Instagram.
My photos bearing faked smiles, hid my inner torment, but there was this guy who could read between the lines, he introduced himself to me as Benson. He was about 10 years younger than myself and twenty years younger than my husband. But he was smart and witty, I was caught off-guard.
Benson made me pour my heart to him in such a way that I felt exposed, and before I could blink, we were dating. From internet chats we advanced to calls and texts, before I knew it, I was inviting this young man into my matrimonial home.
He was young but Benson sure did know how to treat a lady, there was never a boring moment with him, as his wits exuded effortlessly. Soon I was almost forgetting that I had a husband, it was more like living with yet another flat mate, as all we did whenever my husband got back from work was brief chats (boring) and off to bed.
Whenever he got into his room to sleep, I got talking with Benson under the guise of staying with my tender son. We would do all sorts of crazy stuffs over the phone and I felt like a teenager again. The first day I and Benson made love, it stirred a wild passion in me and I could not get enough of him. I would invite him over on certain weekends, we would meet up at his place on other days and somehow I never got caught. Few days ago, my husband came back with a gift, it was a brand new Toyota Corolla.
He told me he knew that he had not been living up to expectations and was going to make it up to me. He said very soon we would be moving into a new apartment of our own, adding that he kept it a secret to surprise me. I was shocked, did not know what to say.
I had mixed feelings, guilt, joy, astonishment all playing out at once. We made love that night, after so long, it was the same. He came prematurely, I really wanted to confront him but something kept holding me back. The house we talked about is almost set, the future looks bright again. But beyond the money and the comfort, a woman has other needs.
I really want to get rid of Benson, but do not know how to go about it. Especially because I cannot get enough of all he does to me, besides, my husband still has his chronic case of premature ejaculation.
Honestly, I am perplexed and that is why I have written this. I know my problem sounds a like trivial and selfish to a large extent, but I really need help, I cannot pleasure myself for life to stay faithful to my husband. Please what can I do to salvage what is left of my life and marriage, Tommy might soon sense my detachment to him, he might become suspicious of certain moves I make. I need to be satisfied but my husband can’t give what I want.