Ouch! What would you do?
Dear Black Rose,
I am currently eight months pregnant and my husband of nine years told me last week that he had an affair with an 18-year-old. He is 30. He said she could be pregnant because the condom fell off. We have a 6-year-old and an 8-year-old together. He came to me and told me he was sincerely sorry and he cried. He says he is hurt, broken and confused. I want to trust him and I told him I would. But, he is still talking to her through text messages. He said he couldn’t just drop her in case she is pregnant. He wants to stay with me for the kids right now and until the baby comes. He still hugs me and kisses me and tells me he loves me. If she isn’t pregnant, he said it will end. I told him he has no obligation to her even if she is pregnant—only to take care of the baby, if it is even his. I am so lost and so broken. Any advice?
Being eight months pregnant and finding out that not only has your husband had an affair, but that the other woman may be pregnant too, is definitely overwhelming. That is enough to truly leave you broken and lost. Regardless of how you are feeling at this time, you must pick up the pieces and find your way. Your husband is playing you big time. The other woman is either pregnant or not pregnant. It does not take a rocket scientist to find out if she is pregnant. It only takes a $20 pregnancy test from the drug store. It is highly likely that she is indeed pregnant and your husband knows this. Otherwise, he would not be telling you about her and how she may have become pregnant. It is interesting that he is the one crying and feeling ” hurt, broken, and confused”. Really? You are the one he is married to who is pregnant and being cheated on. So, are you supposed to feel sorry for him? I am sure he is sorry but only sorry that he is caught. Your husband made some choices and now he is trying to figure out how he can hold on to you and her too. The fact that he is still texting and involved with her tells me this was not a one-night fling. The audacity of him to say that he can’t “drop her” or that he wants to stay with you for the kids and until the baby is born. Really? What happens after the baby is born? There was not one time that you indicated that he stated that he wants to stay because he wants you or his marriage. You have some tough emotional decisions to make but you do not have to make them right now. You must separate your husband’s issues from your issues. It is a stressful time for many reasons and you want to avoid putting your pregnancy at risk. I recommend that you seek individual psychotherapy to work through issues. This would provide a support system as you deal with stressors. The issues are serious but not hopeless. — Black Rose