Ask Black Rose: ‘I’m 8 Months Pregnant and My Husband Has Admitted to an Affair With an 18-Year-Old’

Ouch! What would you do?

Dear Black Rose,

I am currently eight months pregnant and my husband of nine years told me last week that he had an affair with an 18-year-old. He is 30. He said she could be pregnant because the condom fell off. We have a 6-year-old and an 8-year-old together. He came to me and told me he was sincerely sorry and he cried. He says he is hurt, broken and confused. I want to trust him and I told him I would. But, he is still talking to her through text messages. He said he couldn’t just drop her in case she is pregnant. He wants to stay with me for the kids right now and until the baby comes. He still hugs me and kisses me and tells me he loves me. If she isn’t pregnant, he said it will end. I told him he has no obligation to her even if she is pregnant—only to take care of the baby, if it is even his. I am so lost and so broken. Any advice?

Signed,
Anonymous

Dear Sis,

Being eight months pregnant and finding out that not only has your husband had an affair, but that the other woman may be pregnant too, is definitely overwhelming. That is enough to truly leave you broken and lost. Regardless of how you are feeling at this time, you must pick up the pieces and find your way. Your husband is playing you big time. The other woman is either pregnant or not pregnant. It does not take a rocket scientist to find out if she is pregnant. It only takes a $20 pregnancy test from the drug store. It is highly likely that she is indeed pregnant and your husband knows this. Otherwise, he would not be telling you about her and how she may have become pregnant.  It is interesting that he is the one crying and feeling ” hurt, broken, and confused”. Really? You are the one he is married to who is pregnant and being cheated on. So, are you supposed to feel sorry for him? I am sure he is sorry but only sorry that he is caught. Your husband made some choices and now he is trying to figure out how he can hold on to you and her too. The fact that he is still texting and involved with her tells me this was not a one-night fling. The audacity of him to say that he can’t “drop her” or that he wants to stay with you for the kids and until the baby is born. Really? What happens after the baby is born? There was not one time that you indicated that he stated that he wants to stay because he wants you or his marriage. You have some tough emotional decisions to make but you do not have to make them right now. You must separate your husband’s  issues from your issues. It is a stressful time for many reasons and you want to avoid putting your pregnancy at risk. I recommend that you seek individual psychotherapy to work through issues. This would provide a support system as you deal with stressors. The issues are serious but not hopeless. —  Black Rose

Ask Black Rose: ‘My Husband Left Our Family For His Mexican Mistress’

She thought she did everything to fulfill his wildest fantasies but as it turns out, he carried on a seven year affair. Black Rose dishes out some advice.

My husband of 16 years has had a seven year affair and fathered a 4-year-old son. This affair is with a Mexican co-worker at a pawn shop! She is still married (separated for seven years) to an illegal immigrant and has three children with her husband.  Also, her husband’s mother lives with her and is also an illegal immigrant. This woman has been in my home and to events that included her husband and children along with my husband and children. We have one biological son together.  However, he has raised my 20-year-old son since the age of 4 and my 26-year-old daughter since the age of 9. I had no idea of his affair because my husband was home every night before 10 p.m.  I am a master educator with multiple degrees and credentials, which I was pursuing when we met. This is what attracted him to me, but he now uses it against me! My father truly loved my husband and the two bonded so well before he sadly passed away. Other family members love my husband because of the love he showed me and my children who he raised as his own. The children and I treated my husband like the king that he is and I fulfilled every fantasy as his wife, so I thought, behind closed doors. I drank, smoked, and had a threesome for him!  He stated that when I stopped drinking, I was no longer fun sexually! This really hurts my heart and the feelings I have towards my husband. He stills pays the rent and various other bills because he knows my salary is limited due to student loans, but he won’t come home–he does not even call unless it has something to do with money.  He has traded us off for his new family. What should I do? 

Sincerely,
Caught-off guard

Caught off guard? Really? Your husband had an affair for SEVEN years not seven months…..SEVEN years!  Are you really saying that you had no clue that your husband was having an affair and had a four year old child during those seven years. If that is indeed the case, your husband must be the best cheater ever or you have to be totally blind to the truth. Either way, it says a lot about your marriage and your ability to communicate. Unfortunately, your husband checked out of the marriage years ago. His cheating had nothing to do with the other women being a Mexican or being legal or illegal. It also has nothing to do with how much he did for your children or how much others liked him. It also did not matter how much you drank or smoked or how many threesomes you had with him. He made a choice to cheat and to have an affair and a child with another woman. That was his choice. Now you have a choice. You can continue to be stuck hoping he will return or you can pick up the pieces of your life and move on. It is obvious that your husband has moved on with his life. He is legally married but emotionally divorced. In the mean time, you remain both legally and emotionally married. You must ask yourself why you are holding on to the marriage when he is long gone. Given his long time affair, his child by his mistress, and how he continues to treat you, do you think he will return or more importantly why would you want him to? You may still be in love with him but he has shown you no love by his behaviors. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to address issues and prepare to deal with the reality of what has happened. You must learn to let go before you can move beyond where you are. –Black Rose

Ask Black Rose: ‘I Think My Ex’s 9-Year-Old Daughter Is Mine, Should I Ask For A Paternity Test?’

He thinks his ex-girlfriend lied about him being her child’s father out of spite but his heart can’t shake that he is really her daughter’s dad. Will Black Rose’ advice help him identify his intentions?

Dear Black Rose,
I had a girlfriend for about 3 years, then in 2006 she called me and told me she was pregnant. I asked her if the baby was mine and she said no. Lately I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t have asked her and perhaps the reason she said no was because she felt insulted by my question. It’s been 9 years and I can’t shake the feeling that her daughter who was born approximately 9 months after the last time we were together, might really be mine. She seems to look like me. My ex is now married to a guy who isn’t her daughter’s biological father. Should I find out if I am indeed the father or would it be best if I just leave it be. She hasn’t said anything about her daughter being mine but I would like to know for my own peace of mind. I don’t want to cause any problems especially since we’re still friends. What should I do?

Signed,
Confused for too long

Hey there sir,
You and your possible daughter deserve to know the truth. After 9 years, I have to ask “why now”?  Be honest and check your motives in wanting to know about the paternity. Is it because the mother of the child has married and moved on with her life? Is it because another man may be raising a child who is possibly your daughter?  Or, are you genuinely interested in stepping up to the plate and being an active father? I would like to think the later. This is a serious life changing endeavor not only for you but for the child, her mother and her step-father. There are a lot of lives to disrupt if your heart and intent are not pure. If you decide to open this closed door of 9 years, will it add to or take away from the child’s life? Are you prepared or willing to take on the emotional and financial role of possibly being a father? If you find that she is your child, she may or may not accept you as her biological father. You must be emotionally prepared for possible rejection. You must also consider how her mother may respond to you after such a long time. She is highly unlikely to welcome the idea with open arms. Her primary role is going to be to protect her child at all costs. If she views your inquiry as a major disruption to everyone’s life and thinks that you will be gone for another 9 years or more after you find out, she is likely to be very angry and block your efforts on every level. Once again, I definitely believe that you and everyone involved should know the truth. But the truth needs to be discovered without bringing a lot of unnecessary attention until the results are confirmed. If you are ready to find out if you are truly her biological father, you may have to get an attorney involved if you run into resistance. Remember that any male can be a sperm donor and produce a baby but it takes a real man to become a lifetime father. It is always great to see a man take the role of a father seriously!  –Black Rose

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘I Want My Ex Husband Back, But I Have Herpes Now and He Doesn’t Want Me’

After thinking she was unhappy in her marriage and filing for divorce, this woman contracted an incurable STD and disclosed the news to her ex. His rejection has devastated her, so now what? Black Rose weighs in.

Dear Black Rose,

I was married for 19 years and after thinking I was unhappy with our relationship I made the decision to divorce my husband. Soon thereafter, I started seeing a man in a different state. It was a long distance relationship which was fine because I still had my own life and remained cordial with my ex. I ended up getting engaged and made plans to move out of state to be with my fiancé. Sadly, I called off the engagement and soon after my ex decided to ask me out on a date! I accepted and had a great time until it came to sex. I had contracted Herpes Simplex Virus 2 (HSV2) between the time we divorced and our reconciliation. When I told my ex about my diagnosis, he was blown away by the news, which was complete blow to my confidence and affected my self-esteem. Since then, my ex has been dating a very young girl who is 20 years younger than I am and just a few years older than my oldest child. My ex and his girlfriend have been together for about a year now and while we were once cordial post-divorce and my diagnosis disclosure, we don’t talk anymore whatsoever. I ended up moving out of state to marry the man I was once engaged to, however, I am not happy and I want my ex back. I’m sad because I have so many fond memories from not only our marriage but our friendship too. If only I had realized this when I thought divorcing the love of my life was the cure to helping my unhappiness. Any advice?

Hey Sis,

Your current marriage appears to be a consolation prize that you settled for after being rejected by you r ex-husband. It is almost impossible to find happiness in your current marriage living in the past. You may be legally divorced from your ex but you have remained emotionally married. The question becomes “Why?” Your ex appears to be both legally and emotionally divorced from you. Given that you continue to hold on to hopes and dreams of getting back with him, you have given him a lot of power over you. This is unfortunate because you have tied your happiness and sense of self worth to his acceptance of you. His being “blown away” with you having  is likely to be related to him wanting to have sex but this put a halt to that. There was no concern for your health or the possibility of rekindling a relationship. He seemed to have used your HSV2 status as a permanent exit excuse. You must remember that there was a reason you divorced him in the first place. It is time to determine what you really want in a relationship. Happiness starts with you and is your responsibility. A man or a marriage can not ” make” you happy. You must find happiness within yourself. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to help understand why you remain emotionally married to someone who is not available to you in any way. This will also give you a chance to discover who you are. Your value should not be determined by your ex or anyone else. –Black Rose

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘I’ve Been Married For 10 Years But I’m In Love With My Incarcerated Ex’

Will Black Rose be able to help her understand what to do next?

 

Dear Black Rose,

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years and we have 1 child together.  I honestly never wanted to marry him, but I did it for the sake of our child and our families. Before him I was with my childhood sweetheart for about 7 years. That man was the love of my life and my first everything. But he and my husband are so different. My husband is educated while my ex is incarcerated. I have always had contact with him because we have such a strong bond.  I feel guilty but I love this man with all my heart and sometimes I regret marrying my current husband.  My ex will be released soon and I would love to be with him but he knows I don’t want to cause any issues with my husband. While I love my husband, I am not in love with him. I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend to be happy in this marriage. What should I do?

Hey Sis,

 

You may be legally married to your husband but you never emotionally divorced your ex. So now after 10 years of being married to your husband, you are not sure how much longer you can pretend to be happy in your marriage because the man you really love is getting out of prison. Really?  Are you saying that you only stayed married because your ex was incarcerated? There is an underlying assumption that your husband has been happy in your marriage. The reality is that your husband is likely to be well aware that you are not in love with him. The passion you speak with for your ex would be very hard to hide. The fact that you have maintained contact with him over the years and the two of you have “such a strong bond” suggest your marriage never had a chance.  It is only a short matter of time that you will be having a physical affair with your ex once he is released. The emotional affair has been there before your marriage. Why remain married to someone you don’t love? You are in control of your happiness. If being with your ex is going to fulfill your emotional needs and provide the love you want, there is little to say. It is important to be honest and true to yourself. Hopefully, your passion and love for your ex is based on reality and not on a dream of how things used to be or could be. Life is too short to live it as a lie. Once you are clear with what and who you want, don’t settle for less. –Black Rose 

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘My Boyfriend Was Sexting With Another Woman While I Was Pregnant’

Will Black Rose give this woman the advice she needs to stand in her truth?

 

Dear Black Rose,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 12 years. We have 3 kids together, our youngest being 4 months old. I recently found out through my brother that my boyfriend lied about being work one day because he was really with another female riding around in his car. This isn’t the first time he’s done some questionable things in our relationship. While I was 8 months pregnant, I found some very inappropriate messages between him and another woman, saying things like “your baby should have been mine” and “you’re mine” and “in our next lifetime we will have lots of kids.” It completely took me by surprise. During my pregnancy it felt like we were on a honeymoon, things seemed so perfect. I have told him multiple times that I’m done and I want to move out, but I can’t just up and leave at the moment because of financial reasons. He wants to work things out, and has been going above and beyond to try and work things out but I can’t get over what he did. Now he is complaining that I don’t give him sex and says that it has been an issue with him for a while. I don’t want to be sexual with him because I don’t not trust him. I love him but I’m just not sure if I want to continue this vicious cycle. Please help!

If you are really questioning if you want to continue this”vicious cycle” in your 12 year relationship with your boyfriend, you are not ready for him to leave and it is not over. You may be hurt, angry, and even humiliated but you are not through with him. This says more about you than him. It is easy to blame it on being in love which can blind you from the reality of things. You may have forgotten how your dream of a honeymoon pregnancy quickly turned into a nightmare at eight months. His relationship with other women did not just start during your pregnant given that you had told him multiple times ” I’m done and I want to move out”.  Despite that, you remain with him and use finances and not wanting to just give up as the excuse for staying. While that may be part of the issue, it is not the main issue. The main issue is related to your self esteem and desire to be with him. In your efforts to stay with him, you have overlooked the big elephant in the room. He has never made a true commitment to you. You are not married to him and he keeps reminding you of that each time he decides to be with another woman. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to address the real reasons why you continue
this ” vicious cycle” in your relationship. If you want more, why are you settling for less?  –Black Rose 

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘I Don’t Want To Marry My Boyfriend Because Of His Financial Situation’

Even though she’s in love with her man, she’s not in love with his money. Will  Black Rose help her make the best decision for her relationship and the wellbeing of she and her child. Read more.

Black Rose! 

I am writing because I need your advice. I am in love with a man that adores me and accepts me for me. However, his finances bothers me. 

During the beginning of your long distance friendship, he never pretended to be anyone other than himself. He told me that he was at a point in his life where he was starting over and it would require a great deal of patience on my end because there were some financial hurdles that he had to overcome. 

Despite my reservations, I proceeded with this friendship which has turned into courtship. Everything he told me he would do, he has done it. However, this has meant that we would have to sacrifice visits for the sake of him saving money. 

I have become frustrated and have broken things off several times convincing myself that I need a man that is more established in their career and have greater earning potential. I’ve dated guys who met my needs in some ways but they don’t compare to his genuine love, care and support. He says he wants to marry me and we speak about building a life together. 

I guess if I being honest, I’m afraid. I’ve heard finances can wreck a marriage if allowed. I’m just a true believer that I can struggle alone. I don’t want to struggle with a man. I’ve always seen my father provide for his family and be the one who takes care of my mother, my sisters and I. But I have also seen my sister be the breadwinner and be the one who takes care of her husband. I personally prefer my parents’ way. 

Am I being ridculous for allowing this to weigh heavily on me? I keep telling myself that income can change as long as he’s a hard worker and have a great work ethic. He appears to have both. 

I hope I’m not sounding like a gold digger but I just value financial security. Not to include, I’m a single mother that is tired of doing everything myself, I need someone to take care of me for a change. 

Your thoughts Black Rose?

Regards, 

Hopeless Romantic 

 

Hey Sis,

There is an African Proverb saying that states “Romance without finance, don’t stand a chance.” Based on that alone is enough to be afraid or at least concerned about marrying your boyfriend knowing his lack of finances. Finances are one of the major sources of conflict in relationships. At least he has been brutally honest with you and has not pulled any surprises regarding his finances. Now that you have dated him for a while, you have discovered what life is like with him and his financial status. Having limited finances can and most often does put major stress on a relationship. Many women enter into a relationship knowing the financial problems but think it is going to change because their loved one has “potential.” That is a major mistake because potential is just that…potential. It may become something more or it may not. It is unclear if your boyfriend has the education, training or other necessary skills to develop his potential.  Even if he does possess what is needed, there is no guarantee that he will use it to change his financial status. So the question becomes one of…do you want to and/or can you love and marry your boyfriend knowing that he can not afford to take care of you and your child? It is important to be honest with yourself. If you know that money is a major issue before you say “I do,” don’t think will change after marriage. Having financial security as a value does make you a gold digger. It makes you smart for being clear on some of your basic needs. It is great that you are in love with a man that is caring and supportive. But is love going to be enough when the bills are due and you need someone to take care of you and your child, if needed? This is a tough decision but it must be your decision. Take your time and make the best choice for you and your child. –Black Rose 

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘My Boyfriend And I Have Been Together For 6 Years But He Hasn’t Popped The Question, Am I Wasting My Time?’

She thinks the old saying, “why buy the cow when you get the milk for free” is ringing true in her life. Will Black Rose set her straight? Read all about the drama.

 Hi Black Rose,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. He said that on the day he met me he knew he wanted to spend his life with me and after 6 years I have still yet to get a commitment. He claims being with me and being there for me is a commitment and he is committed to this relationship and often questions me as to why I don’t think that is enough. Obviously it’s not just about the piece of paper to me anymore even though he thinks that’s all I want. What I really want from him is to be a man and back up his words with actions. He has a daughter who I treat like my own and I feel as if that old saying about “why buy the cow when you get the milk for free” is kind of biting me in ass now. I do everything for him, but that’s because I love him and I just am that type of person.

I clearly do not want to start over, we have a home together which I have invested a lot in and because my name is not on the mortgage if I leave, I leave with nothing. I just don’t know what to do anymore? Is there hope for us? Or is he dragging this out and telling me he wants to get married to keep me happy but yet never really plans on proposing? He claims that the only reason he hasn’t asked me to marry him is because of financial reasons but I didn’t realize it took 6 years to save for a ring, especially when I have made it clear the size and price tag doesn’t matter. I want to plan for my future with him, because I love him and I want to spend forever with him but am I just wasting my time?

Please help. 

Hey sis,

It is hard when the old saying of why buy the cow when you get the milk for free is indeed biting you in the “ass now.”  There is truth to the saying. Why should you boyfriend marry you when you have accepted and played the role of wifey for almost 6 years? He is happy and is probably wondering why you are not. Your boyfriend has been very honest with you from day one with his intentions but you did not listen carefully or refused to believe him. He told you that he knew he wanted to spend his life with you and that is what he has been doing for the last 6 years. He said absolutely nothing about wanting to marry you then or in the future. Neither did he plan for you to be his wife or secure you in his future. This is apparent by the fact that your name is not on the house mortgage. While you may have invested a lot in the home, do not get it twisted. You have a place to live but you do not own or have a house. You question his commitment because he has not proposed but you never stopped to question his definition of commitment or more so what he really meant by spending his life with you. You assumed that meant marriage because that was your definition. Now that you have lived with his definition you are hurt and angry and want more. It is not because he is backing down on his word to you but rather it you misinterpreted his word. You must now decide on how you want to continue to deal with this issue. You could push and continue the yell and scream until he marries you. But keep in mind that you may be reminded that he never wanted to marry you when issues emerge in the future. As emotionally painful as this may seem, you could also count this as a lesson learned and cut your loses and move on. Before doing anything, I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and get clarity on what you want and how far are you willing to go to have it. I would also recommend couples therapy for your boyfriend to understand why you are hurt and upset. If you want more, why settle for less. —Black Rose

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘After My Ex Threatened To Expose That I Have Herpes, I’ve Been Afraid to Move On. Will I Ever Find Love?’

She thinks she’s unlovable after contracted an STD. Will Black Rose calm her qualms and reassure her that she’s worthy of a happily ever after? Read about it.

Dear Black Rose,

I am 36 and contracted a sexual transmitted disease (herpes) when I was 19 years old from a guy I was in a 2 year relationship with. Needless to say I was devastated and didn’t date for years after. I tried to stay in the relationship because I didn’t think anyone would accept me with my condition. I even had sex without telling the other individual (which makes me even more ashamed and feel less than nothing and will never do that again-can’t take the guilt or fear).  When I turned 30, I began a relationship and we ended up having a child together. He didn’t find out in the way I would like and he did not contract the disease.  When that wasn’t working out, I was scared to leave because he would always threaten to expose my secret to people we knew and tell me no one was going to accept me, which is something I believed on my own anyway. After overcoming the manipulation, I decided to leave him.  Now, I’m trying to date but every time I get close to a man, I end up ending whatever relationship we had or talk myself out of really liking him. My question to you Black Rose is (1) How/when do I overcome this fear to tell a man about my situation? and (2) How long into the relationship do I tell someone (assuming no sex is involved)?

 

Hey Sis,

You have been a prisoner in your own mind since the age of 19. You have lived with fear, shame, embarrassment, and guilt unnecessarily. Having herpes or any other sexually transmitted diseases is not a life sentence. It is all treatable and more common than you may think. It is the fear and the stigma of having a STD that prevents people from talking about it and seeking help. It is very important to seek help and to understand your body to know when you are going to have an outbreak. You must be very honest and tell your potential partner that you have herpes. I do not suggest you share this on your first date. But, it should be shared when it seems that the relationship may be moving forward and definitely before you become intimate. They have a right to know this information before sex becomes a part of the relationship. It is clearly their choice to move forward or to end the relationship at that point. Some people will understand, accept it and continue. Others will end the relationship in anger or with other feelings. You must be willing to accept their decision. However, you do not have to accept their crap or bullsh*–! Do not allow others to put you down and abuse you. Most of all, don’t do that to yourself. Others will treat and respond to you the way you allow them to. It is important to embrace and deal with the reality that you have herpes and life goes on with or without the person you would like to be your mate. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to help process and let go of many of the negative feelings and beliefs regarding having herpes. I also recommend that you seek a medical doctor to receive solid treatment and information about herpes. Free yourself from your mental prison and move on with life! —Black Rose

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.

Ask Black Rose: ‘My Husband And My Daughter From A Previous Relationship Are Involved Romantically!’

Will Black Rose help her stop enabling the problems in her marriage and her home?

Hi Black Rose,

I’m in a very awkward situation. I’ve been married for 10 years. Together my husband and I have 2 children, a son age 13 and a daughter who is 10. I have a 21-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, however my husband has been in her life since she was 4 years old. For the past few years, my intuition has been telling me something has going on between the two of them in an inappropriate manner. I discovered the truth a few months ago that they are involved and are having sexual relations. They claim that they only have oral sex but I have strong feelings that they have crossed the line even further. I confronted my husband who lied at first but eventually told the truth about them being involved. My daughter instantly caught an attitude and barely told the truth. I initially put them both out of our house but ended up letting them come back simply because I couldn’t deal with the emotional sadness and disappointment of my other two children. They were just so sad that their dad was out the house. My daughter had no where else to go so I welcomed her back but she still walks around like I owe her. My husband seems to be very regretful but I don’t trust either one of them at this point because they have betrayed me more than I can say. My question is, what should I do in this situation because I love them both so much but this is very painful and hurtful and I don’t know what to do next.

Broken Hearted

 

Hey Sis,

Describing your situation as an awkward situation is an understatement. You are in a situation that is of dire seriousness and urgency. While you discovered the truth or part of the truth a few months ago, you have been suspicious of inappropriate sexual activity between your husband and daughter for a few years. A few years ago would have made your daughter a minor child. At this point, you do not know when the inappropriate behaviors started and the extent of the behaviors. Regardless if the sexual behavior ranged from touching to oral sex to sexual intercourse, it was all inappropriate and possibly illegal. It is highly likely that it started long before you became suspicious. You may have not had any reason to question your husband’s behavior with your daughter given he has been in her life since she was 4 years old. If she was indeed a minor when the sexual behavior started, it is a legal matter. Now that you know that something happened, it is up to you to do something about it. Your daughter is likely to have been a victim of sexual abuse by your husband. This may account for her attitude towards you. Your husband is an adult and responsible for his actions. It will be a big mistake to just sweep what has happened under the rug and pretend it never happened. You have a 10-year-old daughter in the home as well as a 13-year-old son. You have a responsibility to protect both of them. Given your husband’s inappropriate behaviors, you have to wonder if your 10-year-old daughter has also been a victim. There are several steps needed on your part. First, I recommend you sitting down with your 21-year-old daughter and have an honest conversation. Do not blame her for what has happened and let her know that you understand that it was not her fault. Try to get her to tell you the entire story of what happened. I recommend that the two of you go to psychotherapy to address issues. As painful as it may sound, I also recommend that you make an official report of the abuse to the police and the Department of Family and Children Services in your city. This is necessary not only because of what has happened but more importantly because you have a minor daughter in the home. You may possibly be liable if by chance your husband has been sexually inappropriate with your younger daughter and you failed to make a report about what has already happened. It is not your job to do a thorough investigation and decide what should happen. That is the job of the police and the official department that serves and protects children. I also recommend that you seek legal advise from an attorney that specializes in sexual abuse cases. It may be difficult to have your husband in the home until you are clear about what has been going on in your home. He needs some psychological help but that is his responsibility. It is important that you are honest with your children about some of the possible changes that may take place. They should be told information on an age appropriate level and only overall general information. Although you have a lot to deal with, don’t forget to take care of yourself in the process.  In fact, you need individual psychotherapy because your situation is painful and serious but it is not hopeless for the sake of you and your other children! –Black Rose 

Email us your questions to Black Rose now at blackrose@blackrosegossip.com  and be sure to include “Ask Black Rose” in the subject line.